Recently I have come to the conclusion that I may be dreaming slightly bigger than is ever truly possible to achieve. OK, so I gave up on the dreams of being an international, jet-setter years ago, but what of my newly evolved dreams?
I’m not going to be a massive hipster and say that I’ve read something recently that was so truly inspirational and profound that it inspired me to keep going, keep dreaming big. My true friends and family have been inspiring me to do that for years. What I will say is that I don’t see the problem with dreaming, even if the thing you’re dreaming about never comes to fruition.
I think that has been my problem for so many years. I’ve dreamt big, gone for it and been at the point of destruction when I got turned down, rejected or even scorned. It has, however, never stopped me from continuing to dream. It is part of my make-up. It is who I am. It’s how I live, breathe and create. Without my dreams I am a shell of a person who marches along to the rhythm of everyone else’s drum.
In essence, I cease to ‘be’ without dreaming.
But how can I stop myself from getting hurt every time my crazy, wonderful ideas get turned down or I get told that “there’s nothing more to life. It IS literally just THIS”? Every month or so I hit a wall where I feel utterly let down by the world around me and what it has to offer. There’s way too much of this attitude that you have to be in the right place at the right time. Although there is some truth in this (I’ve read stories about famous people ad nauseum on this topic *rolls eyes*), there is something to be said for wanting to push yourself to your limits and try to achieve the best life you can.
I’m not going to admit that my life is dull. It can be, but mostly it’s not. I have things to look forward to, beautiful and truly hilarious pets whom I seek great comfort in being around and a good job that allows me to express my personality perfectly.
I am, however, going to admit that sometimes this isn’t enough for me. Sometimes I want more and because I struggle so much with the guilt of that it has inspired this post, as most of the people around me are happy to settle for their lot and think I should too.
Now you know how I feel you can stop telling me to appreciate the things I have. I already do. It’s just that when I walk around, sit at my desk, try to sleep at night, thoughts rush through my mind of the person I could be, the places I could go, what I would do if I won the lottery, how my acceptance speech for a book/modelling/film award would go etc etc. I get lost in my dreams and I like it. It’s my safe, fluffy place that has so much possibility and none of the reality of disappointment. It is that reason that makes me know it isn’t wrong to dream. Even if it ends up just being a dream and nothing more then at least you thought, for one second/minute/day, that it was achievable.
As a child I would practise my speech for when I appeared on the Parkinson show. I would try out different accents and different jobs that had led to my appearance on the show. I loved it so much that I still/maybe/sometimes do this when I’m alone (the pets don’t judge me so you shouldn’t either!) I adore a bit of escapism. Who doesn’t?
So, my point is this. That from now on I’m still going to fight for the truly fulfilling elements of my life that I currently only dream about, but I’m going to get a grip as well. I know the things I will never achieve:
- Motherhood – I’ll never be a mother and I’m OK with this because I’d be a bad one
Things I may never achieve:
- My dream circus-themed wedding…..or a wedding at all, come to that (I have a bad track record when it comes to love and don’t believe anyone can truly put up with me for the rest of their lives!)
- Getting my dream home with a pool (come on….I don’t need to explain this. I think this dream goes in the “lottery win” section!)
But my favourite list of all is this one – things I CAN achieve (outside of the above things or I fear becoming a hypocrite):
I’ll continue to dream and I’ll continue to learn and if nothing else comes from it then I can safely say I had a damn good crack at it!
Light and love, people. Mimi Cat xox